honestly

So I'm trying out this new thing called honesty. I've always been a pretty upfront person but I think I'm getting to that point where I'm trying to be completely honest with people. I'm beginning to give people my honest opinion and reaction because really you can't go wrong telling the truth. I'm not talking about being malicious and going out of my way to tell someone they look ugly but just simply giving others my true opinion. I figure at this point I am not doing anything terribly wrong in my life, especially nothing that another person has any room to judge or disapprove of, so really by telling the truth I can't hurt anyone including myself by telling the truth. I'm beginning to agree with the idea that lying only hurts yourself. By fooling other people I don't receive anything in return I've only mislead people into believing something that isn't true. And again I'm not talking about supplying everyone with every detail of my life, but if it is something that I believe they have a right to know or I trust them to know then I am going to indulge in telling them. I've also begun to learn that as long as you are truthful and upfront with a person to begin with they usually won't hold it against you. Most of my friends and people I have met throughout my life end up being more hurt by the discovery that you didn't trust them with the truth than by what the truth actually ends up being.So overall I'm just beginning to see that lying is not really a useful tool in life any longer. How am I supposed to expect people to like who I really am if I don't want them to know who that is.

Also an update on how this focusing on my own happiness is going. It is going wonderfully. I've realized that I am beginning to be a better friend as a result. Of course it's going one friend at a time so if you believe I haven't yet it is probably because I haven't seen or talked to you recently. Anyways I know that I am beginning to be happy so I feel as though I am focusing on my friendships more. I've realized that my friends do make me happy when I treat them how I've been expecting to be treated. I know pretty lame that whole treating people how you want to be treated stuff  but I mean hey it's pretty good advice. Anyway this is pretty much stemming from the idea that if a person makes me happy then I want them in my life. The only way I'm going to be able to keep them is I treat them well. So yeah now you see where I am coming from. I just wanna start actually being there for the people I care about. Sure it's all kinda coming from me being selfish 'cause they make me happy and I'd really like it if they were there for me when I need them. In order to expect that of them though I need to do the same. There simply are just some people in my life I don't want to lose.

Speaking of things that make me happy, I'm officially half way done with finals and I don't have another one till Thursday so I can spend the rest of today and tomorrow reading my kindle and relaxing. I've already read two over 200 page books since Friday and am halfway through my third and this is on top of studying for 2 finals and babysitting most of the time. So yeah now it is truly apparent how big of a geek I am and you know what I like it,  it makes me happy. Some time within this week though I need to hang out with my friends, especially Cailtynn 'cause she's leaving me to go back home for the summer and I am awfully sad about it. Oh and Jess 'cause she's leaving me for the beach for like two weeks I think it is and I'll probably go through withdrawal symptoms.

The person I really need to spend a lot of time with is my big sister 'cause after her graduation Saturday she is actually leaving me to go live in North Carolina with her husband and start living her big kid life. I'm getting really kinda sad about it. This year were finally getting close and I realized how much I love having her in my life and now that I am finally starting to appreciate her she's leaving. It was really nice though, we talked on the phone for like over an hour today (which I hope will happen more often once she's gone), then she came over for dinner and she's coming back for dinner tomorrow. I wanna go down and visit her a lot cause I still wanna be apart of her and my new big brother's life even though they'll  be far away. I love seeing them both and really enjoy their company so I hope I'll be able to see them relatively often.

Well I'm off to read my kindle (which I love and has been the best purchase I've made in a while) and cuddle up on my bed. Buona Notte.