and it all goes on...

It's been a while since I've posted, not for any other reason than the fact that I've been pretty busy and usually when I have some free time all I wanna do is sleep or veg out in front of the tv. I haven't really been occupied with big things more of just a bunch of little things. Not only am I babysitting around 50 hours a week, taking summer courses, but I also just got a new job. It's my first real person job ever and it's at court street coffee. Getting it really takes a lot of pressure off of me for the school year because now I don't have to worry about trying to find a job before I move out. But anyway so yeah I've got a lot on my plate but it's nice to keep busy and make some money while I'm at it.

So for some reason blogging isn't quite as appealing as it has been. I like doing it and I know that in a few years it's going to be interesting to look back and see what I talked about. For some reason though I don't feel the urge to do it as much as I did when I first started. This could be because I just don't have anything that important to say.

I've been feeling pretty good about life. I've realized though that I let money stress me out far to much and the more I seem to have of it the more I worry about spending it. I get an anxious feeling every time I think about it though and it's bothering me. I want to just stop spending so that I can put a whole lot of it into savings at the end of the summer. I just hate when I rely on getting a certain amount of money only to find out I'm not getting it. It's not even that I need it for any particular reason I'm just such a planner that I know exactly what the money will go towards and when. I don't know just talking about it all now is bothering me. It's stupid I need to get over it. God knows what I'll be like when I have to actually start paying for bills and other everyday things. Hopefully by then I will have an actual job and not relying on babysitting money or getting hours at a minimum wage job.

So summer is officially half way over and I could not be happier about that. I hate summer the only redeeming quality is that my birthday is in the summer and I am able to lay by the pool occasionally and get a tan. Otherwise it's too hot, pretty boring and I get stir crazy, I have to wake up earlier than I do during the school year, and everyone goes away for the summer it feels like. It also just feels like a big waiting period, waiting for school to start up again, waiting for the weather to cool off, and waiting for friends to be close by. This summer is even worse with the waiting because this time I'm just waiting to move into the dorms and out of my house. I HATE waiting. I am an extremely impatient person. Even if I'm waiting to get a tooth pulled I'd prefer it happened sooner rather than later. I'm ready for life to just start and get rollin'.

Well I got out pretty much all I've had to say, I'm going to go web browsing and continue to stalk craigslist for a cheap ipad.

Rambling

The electricity keeps going out. Hopefully I'll be able to finish this before it goes out again. I'm not entirely sure what I plan on accomplishing while I write tonight. There isn't one thing that I've been thinking about lately specifically just a bunch of scattered thoughts. So bare with me this will probably be a fairly random post.

First things first, I'm going to be a legal adult in three weeks. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to a lot of people but for some reason this birthday seems to really be hitting me. Usually birthdays for me just mean a day where I get presents and people are slightly nicer to me. The number never seems like that big of a deal, I'm not sure why though but being 18 is a weird concept to me. All of these grown-up things are going to be hitting me at the end of the summer starting with my b-day. Pretty soon everything I do is gonna be on me. I just like this concept and am pretty excited. Don't get me wrong though, it's pretty unnerving but I think I'm ready.

I have decided that people should live and let live. This is and idea I've been exploring a lot lately. I've decided that if I screw up it's on me. Just like if someone screws up it's on them. Who cares what other people do on their own time. As long a person is a relatively kind person and is contributing something to society who cares what the hell they are doing, it's their own business.  I think I just don't think the majority of people have any right to judge me so why should I judge them.

I miss North Carolina. Way more than I thought I would. I had a really fun night at Thomas's and seeing people. Staying at Taylor and Dom's was great and I miss them. I didn't nearly get my Jordan fix while I was down there. And I just want to spend some more time down there. I just had such a good time on my trip and I was definitely not ready to leave.

I'm gaining my interest in boys back. For a while there they were the last thing on my mind but now I'm beginning to appreciate them again. I'm in no way looking to sleep around or sleep with anyone for that matter but I think I'm ready to start dating again. I'm young and I gotta take advantage of my looks while I still got 'em, yah know? I'm just excited to start being woo'ed again.

I want the school year to start. I feel like I am in transition mode just waiting for stuff to start and it's really bothering me. I'm ready to just be in the dorms instead of waiting to be there. I know I'm being incredibly inpatient but I haven't been this excited about something in a while. I'm sure as soon as I actually move in it's not going to be as exciting as I think it'll be I'm just ready to know. Like 7 weeks to go, it's the final stretch.

Time for me to sleep. g'night.

People change.

So I am leaving NC this morning, my plane heads out at 3:15 and I'll probably be heading towards the airport at noon. I'm up pretty early which means Taylor and Dom aren't awake yet so I'm finishing packing, showering, and getting ready. I think I'm going to miss being down here more than I thought I would but the idea of my own bed and not living out of a suitcase sounds pretty good right about now. I've seeing Taylor and Dom and I really happy they let me visit for so long and how much fun they've been the entire time.

This trip has been pretty good for me and I've surprisingly learned a lot. Like once in a while I need some time to just relax and not worry about anything. I've learned that people change. No one is going to be the exact same person they were 6 years ago, or 4 years ago, or even a year ago. It's weird though because people I knew down here as kids are growing up and becoming adults. Not everyone has appeared different from the person I knew when we were younger but I know that they are, it seems impossible for them not to have changed. I've learned that each moment in life creates a different response from us and we learn from those responses. We decide who we want to be as we get older and morph ourselves into that person as accurately as we can. Situations in life force us to evaluate ourselves. Every moment in life makes us a slightly different person than the one we were a moment before. I know for a fact that I am not the same person I used to be. I like to think it's for the better that overall time and life have had a positive effect on me. I really hope that I continue to acknowledge my mistakes and learn from them because that is pretty much my goal. I don't want to be the same person I've always been because that would mean I've learned nothing from life. Although people change, I know that places usually don't. Sure more buildings may be built, others torn down, but overall they usually stay the same. Harnett County is just as I remember it but it doesn't feel the same way it used to. I'm not the same person I was or feel the same way about things that I used to so this seems only natural. I really can't help thinking though, who I would have been if I had stayed here.


So that's my big insight for the morning. Depending on how bored I get at the airport I may post some of the other life lessons I've learned while I've been down here but for right not I am going to hop in the shower and finish getting ready to leave.

North Carolina Continued

North Carolina is great. My parents left early Tuesday morning and I've loved spending some quality time with my sister and Dom. Taylor and I for the most part have gone shopping and hung out around the house. On the 5th, Lillington had their fireworks since the 4th it wouldn't stop storming. The fireworks were the best I've ever seen, there were like 8 parts that I thought were the grand finale and crazy shaped ones like stars and smiley faces. I saw a lot of people I knew from when I lived here and afterwards we all went to Thomas's house and hung out in his barns. Sadly though I managed to lose my phone while I was there, which isn't the worst thing since Thomas was nice enough to give me one to use till I buy a nice one. Anyway seeing everyone was really fun and I'm glad that I had a chance to get to know people more as who they are now than who I thought they were when they were 12. It's funny how much things change but for the most part stay the same.

So tonight Dom, Taylor, and I went to the movies and saw Bad Teacher which was hilarious. Fayetteville, which is the town near base that the closest movie theater (the one we went to) is in, is crazy ghetto. They have like legit cops that watch the theater because it's so shady there. It was great, on the way back through the town we had a contest to see who could spot the first hooker. I have never seen a real-life prostitute before and for some reason I really want to see one (from a distance of course). I'm not entirely sure why I have the urge but I do, I bet as soon as I actually see one I'll be really freaked out hah. So as you can conclude I didn't succeed in my goal to see my first actual hooker tonight but maybe one day I'll finally fulfill it.

I'm going to keep this pretty short cause it's pretty late and I'm really tired. Overall I'm loving being down here and will be pretty sad to be going home Saturday. I miss my bed and my friends back home but I've really loved the time I've spent down here and the people I've spent it with. So long for now, nighty night.

So far in North Carolina

So I've been in North Carolina for almost 48 hours now and so far I've gone to the PX (the army version of a walmart and department store in one), went out to eat, had a sleepover with Jordan, got a tan while swimming, managed to put off studying for calculus, and made a friendship bracelet. I'm really loving being down here although I gotta say I have no tolerance for heat anymore. I've gotten used to Ohio's cold rainy weather and down here it has been around 100 degrees out and dry and sunny. But anyway, this week I'm looking forward to seeing fireworks with the family tomorrow, helping Taylor and Dom paint the inside of their amazing house, going swimming with Sarah and Stephanie, camping with Jordan, and just seeing people and hanging out with my sister and brother-in-law.

Sadly enough, the thing I'm looking forward to most this week is taking a break from school work and childcare. As soon as I finally take this calc quiz that I know nothing on it, I will be done with anything school related for the next week and I don't have to babysit while I am down here cause my parents and the boys are going back home Tuesday while I stay here till Saturday. It's sounds dumb cause summer is only like 4 weeks along but I'm already a little burnt out and I think a week off will do me a lot of good.

I really need to work on not stressing myself out cause I do it a lot. I'm gonna try to take this week to calm myself down and just relax for a while. Hopefully I'll be able to stay that way after I get back home. I guess we shall see. But for right now I am going to go eat shish kabobs with my family.